"Everything I am for Your Kingdoms cause"

I've been reading through some of my old journals. Not just hand written journals but also posts on the Internet I wrote in high school on livejournal and xanga. It's pretty cool to see the things the Lord was revealing to me throughout the different situations and circumstances of life.

There's a few consistent themes popping up in my current season and turning to the Lord in circumstances happens to be one of them. The Lord is good all the time. Rain or shine, bad or good, healthy relationships or not so healthy relationships. He has taught, and continues to teach me that He is enough. At least recently I've been impacted with revelation that my relationship with God does not depend on circumstances. But a lot of my focus was aimed towards 'my relationship with God does not depend on my bad circumstances'. When it seems like all this time He's been showing my heart that my relationship with Him doesn't depend on what is good in my life/the good circumstances either. I think that's sometimes a harder reality to come by. I think a lot of the time loving God when things are good comes more naturally and that's why I didn't catch on to what He's been revealing to me for so long. It's really coming to terms with He is enough.

I've struggled with this a lot these past few weeks because I feel like the Lord has placed a couple different doors of opportunity in front of me because my year of consecration is now coming to an end. The Lord did a ton of stuff in my heart/life last September and the 23rd will mark the one year anniversary of that. So I feel like I'm coming to a cross road of descion making.

Choice A:
Suffer through the lesson of learning patience and choose to go through this door. This door seems to be the painful, lonely, self sacrificing option but I truly feel like if this is the route I travel there is a greater existence of the fullness of the Lord.

Choice B:
Immediate. I could automatically get the satisfaction of the desires in question (which are completely godly mind you) but not have the lessons learned in the encounters of waiting even longer for what God has in store.

Conclusion:
Choice A wins because of the greater love it brings between me and the Lord. It's always been the Lord first and I have to wait on Him to bring circumstances (both good or bad) into my life and not try and control destiny. The hardest part is that if I choose A I turn myself over to completely trusting in the Lord for receiving what I want in the end, because it has yet to be made known if the possibility is actually something directed in that path. While if I pick B, I get what I want and quicker.

However the choice is still A. It's always been him. I just didn't know it for a really long time. And to be completely honest/truthful I don't want either choice if picking one does not bring more fellowship with the Spirit, partnership with Christ, and glory to the Father.

"Everything I am for Your Kingdoms cause, as I walk from Earth into eternity"