Hitting the wall...

“Your heart is already somewhere else, and you are hungry to discover where it is.”

David Sliker, “End-Times Simplified”

This quote totally hits home today.

Since I started running screens in the Prayer Room I've noticed my time free time to simply soak has decreased significantly. This is not because I am now excessively busy. It's because I have hit a major brick wall spiritually.

I look around the room for fleeting pleasures constantly. My mind is completely else where. I haven't kept faithful to my daily bible reading. My visions have turned into day dreams of things I wish would happen or earthly desires. I have hit a major wall that most people would call the wilderness. This is not the wilderness. I just got out of the wilderness. You don't get out of a wilderness to re-enter into a season of one. I don't feel like I belong. I'm always unsatisfied. But I am happy. I really really am happy. I love being here. Spiritually I am just distraught.

Solution? Well, fasting, praying, reading the bible. Righteous living... Total submission to Christ... That seems to be the answer to everything. I'm going to sit here in these gray chairs until I feel it. I will not submit to being okay with not feeling Him. I am not okay with You not touching me. I am broken, You should probably come now. Thank you worship teams for your anointing. You're pulling me through and closer to You.

I feel terrible. I love briefings and debriefings but I knew if I spent more time in there with you my heart would be focused on that the whole rest of the day and I have to fix me and Jesus before I can begin thinking about us.